PTSD from narcissistic abuse

Post-traumatic stress syndrome isn't just experienced by veterans. Victims of domestic dispute and abuse often experience post-traumatic stress syndrome as well. Especially long-term abuse. Figuring out what triggers these experiences in dealing with them properly can make a big difference. Simple things such as loud noises, flashbacks or even smells, can be a trigger causing post-traumatic stress syndrome. Panic and anxiety attacks are also common. Always being on high alert looking for the danger the fight or flight syndrome. Long-term abuse can also cause physical symptoms as well. Headaches stomach aches, inability to sleep well, nightmares and physical aches and pains.

    Psychological Trauma from abuse doesn't just go away. You can't just block it out or sweep it under a rug. This type of trauma can cause long lasting post-traumatic stress disorder, also known as PTSD. (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome)

      Narcissistic abuse is overwhelming and is usually only identified after years of abuse, as victims tend to blame themselves and not get the help that they need. If it's not addressed and works through, a person with PTSD can suffer years and years after the relationship and trauma has ended. Studies have proven in my experience has shown that if a person doesn't properly heal, the chances of entering another toxic relationship is great. However with proper therapy and self-care one can learn to see signs of toxic people, avoid them, and have a happy healthy long relationship. But you have to take care of YOU first.  

    The aftermath of abuse of any kind can be overwhelming. You don't have to work through this kind of trauma alone, finding the right help is key. Find a counselor you mesh with and one that works good with you.

     Here is a list of some of the after effects someone may expirence after long time narcissist abuse. 

    The aftermath of abuse of any kind can be overwhelming. You don't have to work through this kind of trauma alone, finding the right help is key. Find a counselor you mesh with and one that works good with you.

     The effects of PTSD from abuse trauma isn't much different than trauma experienced by a war vet. The reality is, you were in a war too, just a different type of war. So to think we are equipped to handle dramatic trauma any better or differently than a vet is silly thinking. An abuse Victim needs just as much healing and therapy as anyone else suffering from a traumatic event. There is a ton of great counselors out there and since covid the online resources have doubled. 

     Reconnect with friends and family from before the abuse. They can be a huge part of getting your old life back. The life where you can remember being free to do as you please, without the feeling of fear or worry of what your abuser might say or do.

You can recover from Narcissistic Abuse

Addiction and Narcissism, My name is Christina, and I was addicted to prescription pain medication for about 12 years. Fighting addiction and a narcissist is a nightmare no one should have to face.  If it wasn't for suboxone I probably would not be here today. That medication has been a lifesaver for me and has cut me clean for almost 6 years. About halfway into my addiction I ended up in a relationship with someone at that time I didn't know but ended up being a narcissist. By the time I realized that he was in fact a narcissist I had already alienated all my family and friends, and my life was about him and drugs. My pain was real and I had had a back surgery in January of 2018. After my back surgery I decided it was time for a change, and I got on a suboxone program and got off the pain medications. And I've never looked back. I only wish it was that easy with a narcissist. My narcissist is my one and only trigger, luckily I've never acted on the trigger however there have been so many times that I have had the thoughts go through my head of using, luckily either this Suboxone or my own willpower has kept me on the right path. But it has not been easy. Never knowing when or what might set your narcissist off is like a constant earthquake, well maybe not earthquake but aftershocks. Never knowing when or what might make it shake always on edge and ready to brace. I've just recently realized that this isn't life and this is not no way to live. But it's not making the situation any better because he is now realizing that I realize, so now I'm even more on eggshells worried about when or if he may just throw me out on a whim. Having a constant fear of being homeless is crazy and can literally drive you crazy. So I'm constantly trying to balance keeping him at a decent level of not being angry but not constantly pleasing him either, just enough to keep him satisfied so that he isn't down my throat all the time, in the meantime I'm doing everything I can to prepare a safe Escape for me and my dog. With the cost of living so high I'm going to have to find an alternative to living on my own, roommate or roommates, or possibly just renting a room from someone who will allow my dog as well. I will just keep working writing blogging content creating and anything else I can do to make some money and earned a life for myself. One that I deserve and that I've earned and that I'm capable of creating I just got to work on it. I thank anyone who is read any of my blogs and I only help that it can help someone in the future get out of the same situation I'm in or who never get into the situation that I am in. If you are in serious danger there is always help 24 hours a day 7 days a week just called the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799- 7233 or you can text START to 88788.

About the writer: 

Name: Christina

Age: 46

Sign: Scorpio

Lives: Washington State

Hobbies: Writing, crafting, designing Jewelry and working on learning to love myself again!

Eggshells and first steps

It's hard to not be on eggshells when you're living with someone that's a narcissist. Their mind changes on a daily whim. Example why are you saving those we don't need to save those he says. 2 days later why are you throwing those away do you know how expensive those are he says. Between that and everything always having to be their way when they want it how they want it. So it never fails when I'm in the middle of doing something, usually reading or something that takes my brain power. Any person can see I'm in the middle of something, so every time like clockwork that's when he decides to talk to me about a football play or to show me a stupid picture on his YouTube page, things that he knows because I told him I do not care about nor do I wish to fill my brain up with such stupid shit. I only have so much space in my brain I'm not using it for trivial things. And I should be able to be interested in whatever I want, not only because he wants me to be. Everybody should be entitled to their own wants needs beliefs dreams and opinions. When all of those things start being controlled by what somebody else wants for you, you're no longer living your life. You're living your life for someone else or the way someone else wants you to, that is not living. I spent so much time and so many years sticking up,  lying, and covering for him.  Turning myself into something I'm not for him. Waiting on him hand and foot, giving up relationships and time with friends and family because of him. Never having money or access to money and having to beg for basic needs.  Learning coping mechanisms for ways to deal with his constant anger. Self-diagnosing and self-medicating, and feeling alone with no one left to reach out to. All these things have led to so much resentment, and downright hatred it's hard to even sit in the same room with the person. So after 13 plus years of not being able to have a job, I put my foot down and got a job. Due to not working for so long I had a really hard time finding anybody to hire me, my ex sister-in-law works at Wendy's and she was able to get me a job there. It's something and you got to start somewhere. I don't mind starting back down at the bottom because I know I won't be there long. This is just the start of my journey as I learn to get back on my own two feet, gain independence and hopefully learn to love myself again. I know this is going to be a long journey but I also know that no one can do this for me. My biggest fear is just ending up homeless. 

   I'm writing this blog about my journey in hopes to help other women who might be in the same situation that I am and use my struggle as courage to get out of whatever toxic situation. Ultimately I'd like to make it easier for women in these situations to get out of these situations. If I would have had more support or more resources I wouldn't have been forced to stay as long as I stayed. But then again I always came up with a reason.  If you or someone you know needs immediate help or are in danger you can contact the national Domestic Violence hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or text STOP to 88788. There is always someone there that can help!

Addiction and a narcissist

     01-11-2023

     Addiction and Narcissism, My name is Christina, and I was addicted to prescription pain medication for about 12 years and have been in a relationship with a narcissist for about 14 years. So we were addict's together for many of those years. Fighting addiction and a narcissist is a nightmare no one should have to face. If it wasn't for suboxone I probably would not be here today. That medication has been a lifesaver for me and has keep me clean for almost 6 years. About halfway into my addiction I ended up in a relationship with someone at that time I didn't know but ended up being a narcissist. By the time I realized that he was in fact a narcissist I had already alienated all my family and friends, and my life was about him and drugs. My pain was real, it stemed from car injury right after high school and indured the pain for 7 years, while Drs kept pumping me full of pain medication. (This was in late 1990s and early 2000 when Drs were all more freely prescribing pain medicine) after 7 years and multiple Drs I finally got a decent Dr that believed my pain and looked further into why my back hurt. After many x-rays and MRI they found I had a fractured back, that was probably about 7 years old. By this point severe nerve damage had set in, so I

had a back surgery in January of 2018. After my back surgery I decided it was time for a change, and I got on a suboxone program and got off the pain medications. And I've never looked back. I only wish it was that easy with a narcissist. My narcissist is my one and only trigger, luckily I've never acted on the trigger however there have been so many times that I have had the thoughts go through my head of using, luckily either this Suboxone or my own willpower has kept me on the right path. But it has not been easy. Never knowing when or what might set your narcissist off is like a constant earthquake, well maybe not earthquake but aftershocks. Never knowing when or what might make it shake always on edge and ready to brace. I've just recently realized that this isn't life and this is not no way to live. But it's not making the situation any better because he is now realizing that I realize, so now I'm even more on eggshells worried about when or if he may just throw me out on a whim. Having a constant fear of being homeless is crazy and can literally drive you crazy. So I'm constantly trying to balance keeping him at a decent level of not being angry but not constantly pleasing him either, just enough to keep him satisfied so that he isn't down my throat all the time, in the meantime I'm doing everything I can to prepare a safe Escape for me and my dog. With the cost of living so high I'm going to have to find an alternative to living on my own, roommate or roommates, or possibly just renting a room from someone who will allow my dog as well. I will just keep working writing blogging content creating and anything else I can do to make some money and earned a life for myself. One that I deserve and that I've earned and that I'm capable of creating I just got to work on it. I thank anyone who is read any of my blogs and I only help that it can help someone in the future get out of the same situation I'm in or who never get into the situation that I am in.

 If you are in serious danger there is always help 24 hours a day 7 days a week just called the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799- 7233 or you can text START to 887

Wow, only if I had known... When I started finally thinking about starting a business I was probably already 2-4 years to late for what I was creating and wanting to sell. My name is Christina and I'm a jewelry designer/creator. I've always been crafty and was scrolling through Pinterest one day and a video of a girl making a bracelet caught my attention, and I thought hey I've got all the stuff to make jewelry I bet I can do that! And my journey begins, after many years of creating, gifting to friends and family on top of building a nice size of inventory for future possibilities, I was getting tired of hearing from everyone that I needed to sell my jewelry, open a business, do e-commerce, go to craft fair. All of which not only intimidated the shit out of me,  but also factored in that I've never had great self esteem, so I didn't think my designs were good enough as it was to sell them. However after many years I finally got the courage to give it a try.  Oh, did I mention that I am possibly the least tech savvy person in the world lol. I mean I was born in 1976 so I didn't grow up in the Internet generation. I'm the pen and paper generation! And I want to succeed doing what I love like a lot of people are doing right now. So this is my journey, I always have liked writing and decided why not write a blog while I'm at it. Maybe in the end my journey will help someone else not struggle quite as much or maybe it will end up taking me someplace completely different either way I figured might as well 

How is it possible to create a business when you have no support system. No family that is involved or wants to be. Partner hates it because he's controlling and it takes time away from things he thinks I should be doing for him! A couple friends who try being supportive. The only reason my partner even tolerates me making jewelry is he knows I go crazy if my hands are not busy, and as long as it doesn't cost him money.  You ask why I put up with him. Will long story shortened we have been together 14 years and in that time I've been broken down, mentally and emotionally abused daily and physically abused at times. Usually when I get balls and stand up for myself. I recently came to conclusion he's a complete narcissist with major dad issues and some mommy issues as well. In this 14 years I've not worked, I've stayed home and maintained a very nice home. Very clean and well organized, I cook dinner every night by 5, the man never has to lift a finger once home. But if for one moment he thinks I've left during the day or had company he flips out so I rarely leave and if I do I'm in a panic the whole time and pray he doesn't find out. He makes my family think he's the best thing since chopped liver. I've never had access to money, finances bank account debit card, yet can't pay a bill on time and it's my fault because I didn't remind him or hold his hand. 

So I started messing with my jewelry stuff, always being a crafter I have everything for years, and everyone kept telling me to sell it, that it was good and I should do something with it. So finally I opened an Etsy shop, which is horrible, 4 sales in almost 3 months. With already broken and low self esteem that sure hasn't helped. I've researched and researched till my head litterly wants to explode, keywords and titles and SEO, it's so overwhelming. Then I constantly get accused of texting a guy when I'm busting my ass to try and make something of this business. Some days I honestly don't know why I don't give up. He allows me to do this because he 100% thinks I will fail. God I don't want him to be right, not for the success but for him having another bite of my dignity. My dream or goal would be to be able to stash enough profit to leave and support myself.  He doesn't keep me from leaving but with no support or money I would be on the streets, homeless. And the homeless problems in my town are already pretty bad.

He makes decent money, and is extremely selfish, he has gotten a little better over the years but example, in 14 years I've never gotten a birthday present or card for that matter, Christmas or Valentine's day gift. Never a piece of jewelry, not even costume jewelry. I have 3 pair of underwear and they are about as ragged as they get. And same toothbrush for 2 years. He has drawer full of underwear and new toothbrush every 6 months. How does one live under such double standards and be okay.? They don't, trust me, I'm not okay! My only hope is that someday I will succeed at something and have my own means to support myself and be able to look back and all the pain be just bitter memories.

Til then I will just keep my head up and working towards bettering myself and my craft. 

This is what being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel like!

Post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD) isn't just experienced by veterans. Victims of domestic dispute and abuse often experience post-traumatic stress syndrome as well. Especially long-term abuse. Figuring out what triggers these experiences in dealing with them properly can make a big difference. Simple things such as loud noises, flashbacks or even smells, can be a trigger causing post-traumatic stress syndrome. Panic and anxiety attacks are also common. Always being on high alert looking for the danger the fight or flight syndrome. Long-term abuse can also cause physical symptoms as well. Headaches stomach aches, inability to sleep well, nightmares and physical aches and pains.

    The aftermath of abuse of any kind can be overwhelming. You don't have to work through this kind of trauma alone, finding the right help is key. Find a counselor you mesh with and one that works good with you.

    

Life After a Narc

 Reconnect with friends and family from before the abuse. They can be a huge part of getting your old life back. The life where you can remember being free to do as you please, without the feeling of fear or worry of what your abuser might say or do. 

If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse, there is help available. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is there 24/7  for help and support call 1-800-799-7233 or Text START to 88788

About the writer: 

Name: Christina

Age: 46

Sign: Scorpio

Lives: Washington State

Hobbies: Writing, crafting, designing Jewelry and working on learning to love myself again!